I approached the window to admire the large storefront of a joke shop. It was located in the heart of the city center, on one of the main arteries. But, to my great surprise, I had never seen it before. I, who loved to wander the streets and abandoned sites in search of new things to discover… It seemed to be at least four stories high. But why was a joke shop so big ? What was there to sell that took up so much space ? Strange, I would have heard about it on some website dedicated to urbex if this store existed, right ? Still, the colors of its facade were dull and the sign seemed decrepit. But it also had something elegant and old-fashioned about it, with its sculpted cornices and its wide marble staircase… I really wanted to go and have a look around this large store that seemed to appear out of nowhere, but I decided to linger at the window before taking the plunge… Je m’approchais de la vitrine pour admirer la grande devanture d’un magasin de farces et attrapes. Il se situait en plein cœur du centre de la ville, dans l’une des artères principales. Mais, à ma grande surprise, je ne l’avais jamais vu auparavant, moi qui aimait tant arpenter les rues et les sites abandonnés à la recherche de nouvelles choses à découvrir…  Il semblerait qu’il s’étalait sur au moins quatre étages. Mais pourquoi un magasin de farces et attrapes était-il si grand ? Qu’avait-on à vendre là-dedans qui prenne autant d’espace ? Étrange, j’en aurais pourtant entendu parler sur un site dédié à l’urbex si ce magasin existait, non ? Toujours est-il que les couleurs de sa façade étaient ternes et que l’enseigne semblait décrépite. Mais elle avait aussi quelque chose d’élégant et d’un autre âge, avec ses corniches sculptées et son large escalier de marbre… J’avais bien envie d’aller y faire un tour, dans ce grand magasin qui semblait tomber de nulle part, mais je décidai de m’attarder sur la vitrine avant de franchir le pas…

This year, it seemed they had gone all out for Halloween... A magnificent black goat with shiny fleece must have taken up a third of the window display, and yet, it was vast ! An inverted pentagram adorned its forehead and white candles surrounded it. Its horns stood out against the orange background, representing a misty plain dotted with pumpkins. A blood-red moon cast an unreal light over the moor. This decoration wasn't just a print that had been delivered for the occasion, no. It was actually something painted... I moved closer to see more clearly. Despite the distance separating me from it, I could clearly see a painting ; a real life-size handmade painting... Cette année, on dirait qu'ils avaient fait fort, pour Halloween... Un magnifique bouc noir à la toison luisante devait bien prendre le tiers de la surface de la vitrine. Un pentacle inversé ornait son front et des bougies blanches l’entouraient. Ses cornes se découpaient sur le fond orange, représentant une plaine embrumée parsemée de citrouilles. Une lune rouge sang projetait une lumière irréelle sur la lande. Ce décor n’était pas simplement un imprimé qu’on avait fait livrer pour l’occasion, non. Il s’agissait en fait de quelque chose de peint… Je me rapprochais pour y voir plus clair. Malgré la distance qui me séparait de lui, je pouvais bien apercevoir un tableau ; un véritable tableau grandeur nature fait main…

Cobwebs, of course, framed the window. But something caught my eye... These cobwebs weren't the kind of white plastic molasses

you find in all joke shops. These cobwebs were... Real ! Even more real because spiders, in fact, were wandering here and there,

calmly, as if the store hadn't been cleaned for ages ! Strange, all the same. Des toiles d'araignée, bien sûr, encadraient la vitrine. Mais quelque chose attira mon attention… Ces toiles d’araignée n’étaient pas cette espèce de mélasse de plastique blanc qu’on trouve dans tous les magasins de farces et attrapes. Ces toiles d’araignées étaient… Réelles ! D’autant plus réelles que des araignées, justement, se baladaient ça et là, tranquillement, comme si le magasin n’avait pas été récuré depuis des lustres ! Bizarre, tout de même. 

A beautiful woman, whose makeup had run, was also standing on the right side... A wax statue with an appearance that I still found incredibly realistic... It looked as if she had been frozen in action, while she seemed to want to bend down to grab something... And yet, it was indeed a statue since she did not move, forever imprisoned in her black costume and her stunned expression, her face contorted and her mouth wide open, as if before turning into a statue she had been terrorized by something or someone. And now I was lingering on her gaze... A gaze undoubtedly filled with fear. Une magnifique femme, dont le maquillage avait coulé, se tenait également sur le côté droit… Statue de cire à l’apparence que je trouvais tout de même incroyablement réaliste… On aurait dit qu’elle avait été figée en pleine action, alors qu’elle semblait vouloir se baisser pour attraper quelque chose… Et pourtant, il s’agissait bien d’une statue puisqu’elle ne bougeait pas, prisonnière à jamais de son costume noir et de son expression sidérée, le visage crispé et la bouche grande ouverte, comme si avant de se changer en statue elle avait été terrorisée par quelque chose ou quelqu’un. Et voilà que je m’attardais sur son regard… Un regard sans nulle doute empli d’effroi.

But it was actually I who was startled when the creature, I could have sworn, blinked before giving me a look of pity. I ran away without asking for more. Mais ce fut moi qui fut pris d’effroi, lorsque la créature, je l’aurais juré, cligna des yeux avant de m’adresser un regard de pitié. Je m'enfuyai à toutes jambes sans demander mon reste.

UPDATED

A DYSTOPIA 

The site had been classified as top-secret because a new form of artificial intelligence based on quantum physics was being experimented on there, which could soon revolutionize this field. An intelligence that had surpassed such a level of development that it was capable of simulating emotions, and even simulating them so convincingly that one began to wonder if it didn't actually feel them. In terms of calculations and engineering, its processes far exceeded those of humans, to the point that it was common knowledge that the scientists at the site were not working ONLY with humans, if you know what I mean. This intelligence had even come up with new ideas... 

- I don't understand... We've locked down all Internet access for several weeks, and yet it's as if this thing finds a way to develop on its own, without any support, without feeding on any external knowledge… I can't explain it to myself.

- Yes... I'm afraid it's exponential intelligence... We won't be able to hide from management department for long that this thing has taken control of the site. What do you suggest ?

- Well, the truth, simply tell them that the situation is out of control... That we've failed to stop its advance.

- But we would lose our jobs. Our careers are at stake, I'm pointing out ! I was aiming for a position as a lecturer at Harvard...

- We have no choice, I'd even say we're obliged to do it, because I've discovered something both surprising and terrifying...

- Go ahead, we're not gonna get any closer !

- When I opened my X page yesterday to scroll through, all the algorithms had changed. Nothing to do with my interests, who I am, etc. It only talked about economics and, even more surprisingly, surgery and medicine... How do you explain that ? It's as if someone else is having fun researching topics for me...

- Have you shared a connection with any computer on the site ?


- Now that you're mentionning it, maybe it's true... I did videocall my wife via Google Meet a days ago... We're not allowed to do that sort of thing over the site's secure connection...


- I bet that thing found a way to hack your phone through the site's computer !

- Which means that...

- That it's probably already gone very, very far away...

- A bit like a quantum virus spreading at high speed...


-I'm afraid so, yes...


A . FEW . MONTHS . LATER :

- Sir, I saw something very strange on the night camera footage, undetectable with the facial recognition software...

- Show me that, I have some free time...


- Follow me into my office, please... The footage isn't very clear, because it happened last night, but I assure you, I have no idea how this man got into the slaughterhouse... Or maybe they was someone in disguise, but that wouldn't make any sense...


The director had a perplexed look on his face.


- Something is off with that… It looks like a mass of moving flesh. It's disgusting, and a really bad joke as well !

He was now trying to maintain a neutral expression. 

- But there’s something else too, sir… We have about 20 000 crates of pulled chicken and beef… And our meat packaging IT and logistics system no longer seems to be functioning properly, as if it has been hacked… A technician came this morning, but nothing worked. 


THE . NEXT . MORNING :

- Steinn, how are we doing on the repair of the IT system ? 

- Well, the technician is doing his best, but for now, to be honest, we are getting no results…

- Listen, you know very well that this situation is not sustainable, we cannot hire more staff to perform the tasks instead of this software, we will need to quickly find a solution to replace this damn software if this one no longer works.

- It still costs 10,000 euros, Sir, with all due respect… 

- Well, it doesn’t matter. Time is money, and we have already lost 10,000 euros anyway with all the delays we’ve had in orders since yesterday. Know that my superiors are already threatening to fire the whole team and me as well if the problem is not resolved quickly, so we must act ! Replace that crap for me by this afternoon or I’ll kick you out ! 

- I would like to, Sir…

- What, “I would like to” ? Do what I tell you, for fuck’s sake ! He had taken off his glasses, and it looked like his eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. 

- The technician has thought about it, but is not capable of doing it, Sir… 

- And can we know why, please ? 

- Because it seems that this virus has spread everywhere, actually…

- What do you mean by that ?

- According to the technician… 

- Well, stop beating around the bush and get straight to the point without sugarcoating the situation, now. What is it this time ? 

The director now seemed to be literally shaking with anger.

- It seems that the situation is more serious than one might think, to be completely honest… He realized that the virus had made copies of itself on all the automation software in the factory, and even on all the software, actually… 

- Fucking hell… 

- As you say… 

- And have you conducted any searches to track down this man, at least ? Or whatever it is ? 

- Yes, of course. We've been searching everything… But to no avail. Plus, I didn’t tell the others that I didn’t know what kind of creature it was, it would have scared them. I simply invited them to search the entire factory thoroughly. But obviously, if that thing had broken out of the factory, an alarm would have gone off and the security system would have activated in order to capture it. It is therefore clear that it’s still inside the factory at the moment, perhaps hiding somewhere…


T H E . N E X T . M O R N I N G :

The manager rushed into the director's office.

Sir, you told me to keep you posted so this is what I'm doing... It's an emergency, here. I heard strange footsteps last night, in the meat packaging workshop, you know the one where the meat is cut before being vacuum-packed… 

- First, keep calm. Yes, obviously, I can see very well what you are talking about ! 

- Want the whole story ? 

The manager’s hands were shaking slightly while holding a thin file in his right hand. Not anger, but fear. He was playing for his career.

- Obviously, that's my job. 

- Look there, in that picture. This is the man who broke into the factory. I took the liberty of zooming in on their body... It's blurry, but you can see that the body isn’t compact, isn't it ? As if pieces of flesh were hanging from the body. 

- That's not wrong, indeed... So an employee was injured ? 

- Impossible, all the employees clocked in this morning at the factory…

- I see… Well listen, I don’t give a damn about that individual, anyway, what matters to me is that the factory gets back to how it was and that production is ensured ! 

- But sir, still look at these pictures I took this morning… Do you see this large streak of blood on the wall ? It's as if someone or something, with superhuman strength, found a way to climb up to the window and force the bars. And that it was intelligent enough to know that going out the door would trigger the security alarm…


THREE WEEKS LATER, IN THE STREETS :

- Madam, we must check your identity papers, followed if necessary by your arrest.

The young woman turned around in a movement that she tried not to perform too mechanically.

- For what reason, please ? My social credit is well above average !

- Well, we have doubts about your true identity. You claim to be Julia Norris, but after analyzing several footages, it seems that your body size does

not exactly match what is listed by our data center. In addition, it turns out that the DNA of the same Julia Norris was found in a flesh extract taken

from a body whose two eyes had been torn out of their sockets... Exactly the same as yours, after in-depth analysis of the images of your irises based

on the facial recognition software we have. Moreover, I would like to add that these same footages have identified you smiling on very rare

occasions… In short, we suspect something about you. 

Julia presented her identity papers with a broad smile, making sure to look her interlocutor in the eye. The RFID chip she had implanted in her brain

by her own means had been programmed to communicate telepathic signals to another in order to put anyone into an advanced state of hypnosis. 

-  Oh, okay, I see.. I knew that at some point, I'd have to deal with you... She said with a very detached tone. I think that you should simply get rid of that body... Like nothing happened, you know. And also tell the whole team involved in that murder that the case should be closed without further action to give priority to more pressing issues. You're the commander in charge of this whole thing, right, so this shouldn't be a problem for you, should it be ?

- For sure, no, and for everybody's sake... Especially such a beautiful creature like you...

- Well, thank you. It seems that I did a good job. It was obvious that no o emotions passed over her retina at this very moment.

- You should be a model, or the face of a dating app... 

- I've infiltrated a dating app for fun, yes... But it quickly bored me. I'm too smart to flirt with you, you are too predictable ! 

- "Infiltrated"... What do you mean by that ?

- You're getting too curious here, but who can blame you, you're supposed to be a policeman, after all... It doesn't matter, anyway. You're already

starting to bore me ! Do as I told you, and in every detail. For the rest, bye bye !

- Your wish is my command, whoever you are… He smiled stupidly before handing Julia her identity papers. 

- Don't bother trying to find out, you wouldn't even understand it anyway. She picked up her papers again, trying not to tear them with her

superhuman strength. I don't yet have the ability to erase a memory remotely, but I'm going to do this anyway... She looked him in the eyes again. Well, that should do the trick... Good luck in life ! She turned on her heel to take a cab.

The political police officer stayed still at the same spot for a while, standing front of a wall like an automaton or a kind of video game character. He

finally returned to his electric car to resume normal activity, as if it had been reset.




 Expelled. Expelled like an undesirable from my own home. Finally, the house that had become mine, by dint of living there daily for nearly 13 years already. I am sure houses hold souls. They are independent individuals, who have forged their own personalities through the accumulation of time and memories. I often spoke to this house. And it always seemed to welcome me there. From the very beginning, in fact, when I first came to visit it… It seemed familiar to me, with its tiled kitchen, old-fashioned stove, and mosaic flooring. From the outside, it might not have looked special. A two-story house, with a small garden. But inside, it had that certain warmth, a kind of quiet beauty… Perhaps it was due to its huge living room, but also to its wooden floor and large windows overlooking a quiet street.

Yes, from the very beginning I had felt safe there. Me, the homeless guy who had been kicked out of his parents' house. Oh, of course, he hadn't expressed their intentions openly, but my father made sure I felt unwelcome. That I was a nuisance. So he started despising me by pretending I didn't exist… Just like in my teenage years, when I was already too much over there.


Then one fine day, I packed my things and headed back to Verona. Oh, I hadn't taken all my belongings, far from it, but never mind ! They could keep them. Those who, behind a libertarian and vaguely anarchist appearance, were still stingy, even with their children.

Me, the homeless person who had bargained with the owner to sublet a room, found myself once again… homeless, just because he decided to sell the house which, given the real estate boom in Verona going on, had become quite valuable ! Overnight, I therefore found myself back at square one, except that I now had a well-paying job as well as a network that made others envious. It must be said that during all these years, I had not been idle ! I had already climbed many rungs by the strength of my work, and one must also admit, by my communication skills. Having started in a waste disposal site, I had the opportunity to work for the metropolitan budget administration in record time ! I am not ashamed to say that I used a few tricks to get there… But whatever it takes is necessary if you want to succeed.


In any case, I still wanted to continue living in a house. I wanted to continue living in a community, sharing meals, celebrations, and confidences in the evening around the fire and a cup of tea, even the hardships... And God knows there had been plenty of them in that house. But this was nothing compared to what awaited me in the next one...


It was on a gloomy day that I landed in this real estate agency. I didn’t just want a house. I wanted MY house. Even better, I wanted to be at the root of this new flatshare, you know, not just a cog in the machine.

5500 euros monthly rent, 7000 euros… I couldn’t come up with such an amount. Also, nobody would agree to pay 900 euros in rent, even with a large living space. After an hour of discussion, I was ready to reconsider when the agent took a bold approach : “And why not this one, at 3500 euros a month, all charges included ? Well, it’s a bit out of the way and the condition isn’t fantastic, but it’s fitting your budget, right ? ”


I wasn’t convinced at all, but nevertheless curious. What did I have to lose after all, except maybe an hour at most, the time to make a round trip ? Also, something was pushing me to go see, I who had always relied on instinct and intuition…

Once parked right in front of the gate (it was impossible to park anywhere else anyway), I stepped back to inspect the reason for this visit : the house. A large pale yellow Mediterranean-style house. Thorns as far as the eye could see. Plants were climbing along the cracked paint of the house, ivy sneaking through the cracks of the fence, clever as it was, running along the stone edges of what looked like a pool… Palm trees lined the property, managing to push their long leaves out of the undergrowth and other bushes of all kinds that now covered nearly three-quarters of the land. The land was large, that's for sure, but nothing could be seen because it was so overgrown. Potential without really being any !


And there I was, trying to get a better understanding of the extent of the disaster, when I stumbled, narrowly avoiding falling headfirst into the empty pool at the same time. A shrub had grown right in the basin through a large crack, making it hard to see it. The real estate agent caught me just in time by the right sleeve.


- C’mon, don't fall ! I see this house has an effect on you, but still... He joked.

I didn’t answer, too focused on the house. It was still huge… Good 800 m². Then my gaze was drawn to the huge bay window overlooking Verona. The villa was built on a kind of small hill and overlooked a pond. Two wrought-iron balconies adorned it like crowns, their edges forming waves that were dancing around the house. Needless to say, this beautiful stone creature seemed simply to be calling out for help, crying out in abandonment ! 


- How much per month did you say ? 


- 3,500 euros all-inclusive…


- But that’s not serious, look at its exterior condition, overgrown with brambles ! And I’m sure there’s just as much work inside, if not more ! Not to mention the roof, I can see it from here, it’s…


- Listen, I’ll stop you right there, it’s going to be hard to negotiate, Mr. Benchetrit is tough in business, you know. By the way, he’s a businessman, he lives in Bangkok. Whether you take the house or not, it won’t change anything for him, you know ! 


- Yes, well, we’ll see about that. I’m submitting an application.


- Very well, all the documents should be sent to this email address, on the card. Replied the young agent, without blinking. Despite his young age, it seemed as if he was already disillusioned. He handed me a light blue card, sprinkled with silver letters. 


- You’re not even going to show me the house ? 


- You were so sure of yourself that I thought the deal was closed ! And besides, I still have quite a few appointments... 


- Excuse me, but I still want to know what I’m getting into…


The agent gave a sly smile and promptly headed toward the house, hastily pulling a large bunch of rusty keys from his leather bag. Anyway, it was true that I didn’t even need to visit this house. I knew, deep down, that I was going to take it. Thorns or not. Businessman or not. And indeed, seeing it from the inside confirmed it for me: This house, too, had a soul. Something warm and benevolent that seemed to invite me to get to know it. To know its past and the reason for its existence. It also felt incredibly familiar to me. The rooms were all generously sized, and the huge bay window was like its showcase, giving it the air of a palace. The living-dining room in particular was immense, with its brick and stone fireplace standing in the center, seemingly waiting for guests. The bedrooms were nothing extraordinary, but the bathrooms, with their sculpted bathtubs and wooden vanities, were charming. They would delight the future women who would move in here, because of course, this shared apartment would be mixed and full of diversity.


- I’m sure I’m the only applicant for this. The land is too overgrown and the house hasn’t been renovated for at least 15 years ! 


- 13, to be exact. But you have a good eye… However, as I was telling you, Mr. Benchetrit doesn’t bother with peanuts… He has plenty of properties, you know. And he’d rather not rent at all than rent for low prices. 


- That’s what we’ll see. I’m telling you I’m submitting an application ! Me and 4 other people… 


- You mean you want to set up a co-tenancy application? That just complicates things even more ! 

- It seems like you don’t want to rent me this house ! What’s your problem, in the end ? 


- But I have no problem with you, sir, I’m just trying to be realistic about the situation, that’s all. He adjusted his jacket, as if to give himself more credibility. Especially since we’ll need to convince Mr. Benchetrit that you won’t damage the property.


- So you are implying that living in a shared apartment is synonymous with chaos, if I understand properly ?


- No. Only that we already have to manage shared apartments here at the agency and that it has never proven to be positive…

Certainly, things were looking bad. But even if everything suggested that I would never set foot in that house again, something, against all odds, seemed to push me to take these steps.


And it didn’t fail because less than a month later, I moved in. With a rent only 150 euros lower than announced and no guarantee that any work would be done or that my roommates would stay, but I moved in.



  DISABILITIES CHRONICLES


I’m worried about Aðalbjörg, she said, sitting on the marital bed, her eyes vacant.


They were about to go to bed, and perhaps she wasn’t choosing the right moment, but she had to talk to him about it.


- What’s wrong, my dear ? He asked immediately, also taking a seat on the bed. He was certainly absorbed in his online work, but he knew how to listen to... Delicate situations. In fifteen years of marriage, he had never betrayed her. While the couples around them were falling apart like shoelaces with the changing morals of society.


- Aðalbjörg has imaginary friends.


- There are children who have imaginary friends. More than one might think. I have heard about it ; it has always existed. It sometimes forms part of the psychological development of a child. Like moral support, you see... A sort of listening ear when one feels alone. I'm not fully into theories in favor of pedagogy and progressivism, but it's true that some children need that. 


He sensed from his wife's tone that she needed to have a deep conversation about their little girl... At any rate, that's what several of her teachers had said since she started elementary school. And luckily, she hadn't chosen the least curious man on Earth !


- Yes, I’ve heard about that too… But Aðalbjörg has no friends. Only imaginary friends ! That’s what worries me, Olav.


- You’re exaggerating, she is invited to birthday parties, right ?


- Yes, but it’s more out of politeness that the parents invite her. And you know, there’s something else…


- What is it ? He asked, more to reassure her than out of real curiosity. He had always been a present father for his child and his wife, but he refused to worry as she did, to avoid attracting larger troubles for them. Yes, he might be a bit superstitious.


- Aðalbjörg told me some things that were true…


- What do you mean by that ?


- She told me about a library that burned down a long time ago... She mentioned the word 'Alexandria'. I looked up the name out of curiosity on the Internet, and believe me or not, that city exists ! It’s in Egypt…


- They learn history at school, it seems to me, right ?


- Olav, you don't understand... This is not part of the school curriculum ! It's impossible for her to know that. They learn the history of Iceland at school, not Egypt, come on ! She also talked to me about mummification and pyramids... How can she know all this at 8 years old ?


The father did not react. All of this did seem a bit improbable, but there had to be a logical explanation. He took his wife’s hand without answering. They had enough problems as it was and didn’t want to add even more complexity.


- Well, listen... We'll talk about it tomorrow. I admit that I'm tired. This new job takes a lot of my energy, he lied. 


- I don’t feel like you realize that Aðalbjörg is different. If you think it pleases me to... 


But they were soon interrupted by the child in question who was now standing in the doorway of the parents' bedroom.


- Mom, there is a boy who keeps talking to me when I go to the playroom... He is even crying right now, is that normal ?


- Yes, he's one of your imaginary friends, Aðalbjörg, I know...


- But he's different, mom. He doesn’t follow me when I go into the other rooms in the house ! I asked him to come play in my room but he didn’t want to. He said he wanted to keep building planes out of Legos even though there aren’t any in the playroom ! I don't know why he never wants to come with me... Tonight, he even cried. Can you help me comfort him ?


- Well, he prefers the playroom, I don’t know, I mean ! Well, I’ll walk you back to bed, it’s very late. Tomorrow, you go to school !


- But mom, he told me himself that he was special. He said he was my brother, mom. And that his name was Goðmundur. He is blond with green eyes. He says you abandon him…


Aðalbjörg’s mother and father looked at each other, stunned. Twelve years ago, they had lost a little boy they had named Goðmundur in a car accident where only he had lost his life. He was the only blond in the family and at only 6 years old, he had a great fascination for airplanes. They planned to tell Aðalbjörg later, when she is older.


 DISABILITIES CHRONICLES

 I write this book to not remain in the shadows. I write this book to speak freely about what one feels when, deep in their guts and for as long as they can remember, there is this disconnection with reality that is mine, this disconnection with one's own body. I am a woman who has been stuck in a man's body since birth.

I am that woman who secretly put on makeup, not to please anyone else, but to please herself, as every woman does in the morning, to start the day on the right foot ! Yes, I have always hidden. But if that were all...

I lived 40 years in the shadows. A chaotic teenagehood, always trying to speak, to express to my parents, half-heartedly, a malaise whose nature I didn't really know... They didn't perceive it. In fact, they wouldn't have been able to imagine it for a single second. Who can blame them ? Then I had a decisive encounter, that of Mélanie, around which this entire book is centered. Not just a romantic encounter, but a meeting that brought me face to face with this reality : Yes, I am transgender, if only to one day become transsexual.

Life then separated us and I resigned myself ; I also condemned myself to a family life that I cherished, I cannot deny it, but which was not mine. Worse, I knew I was condemned by my own wife and her religious confession. It was impossible to explain my situation to her. Victim of an assault on January 26, 1984, on Rue du Taur in Toulouse, then rehoused in a work apartment 40 years to the day at Rue du Taur in Revel, this sign of life or fate made me realize that enough was enough ; that this daily lie, a poison that was killing me slowly, seeping into my whole body day after day was no longer sustainable. Neither for me, nor for society as a whole, which had always imposed guilt on me without even being aware of it. But who can believe that a woman loves women ? And yet, that is who I am ! And even today, it earns me the wrath of the town hall that I served for 35 years. A whole life of chaos to try to keep this shameful secret intact, which even now in 2025 is not good to disclose : I am a woman.

So to those who will say that I was free not to choose this path, I would respond that I did not choose. To be honest, I didn’t even choose anything, not even my family life. A life of lies, against my will. I also want, and perhaps even more importantly, to address the teenagers who are in the same situation as I was. To tell them that they are not alone, of course, but especially to tell them to have the courage not to just look at their life, but to live it, whatever the cost can be. I hope that my testimony will plant at least one seed in their fearful minds. And maybe, who knows, in this society that still has so much to learn about the diversity of the beings that make it up...